Overcoming Mental Barriers
What to Say to Motivate Someone to Lose Weight Without Hurting Their Feelings
Imagine this: your best friend sighs deeply over dinner, poking at their plate. They confide, “I know I need to lose weight, but I just can’t seem to stick to anything.” You want to help—of course, you do. But where do you start?
You’ve heard the horror stories of well-meaning words gone wrong, turning into sharp criticisms in the ears of someone struggling. You don’t want to hurt them. You want to motivate them, to be their cheerleader, but how do you walk that fine line?
This article is here to guide you through that very dilemma. We’ll explore actionable, compassionate strategies to encourage someone you care about without ever crossing into the danger zone of insensitivity. Let’s jump in.
Step 1: Start with Empathy
Motivation begins with connection. Before saying anything, try to understand what your friend or loved one is feeling. Empathy is not just a nice starting point—it’s the cornerstone of motivation.
Imagine being in their shoes. They’re likely battling feelings of frustration, embarrassment, or even hopelessness. What they need most is to feel seen and supported, not judged.
What You Can Say:
- “I know how tough it is to make changes like this. If there’s any way I can help, let me know.”
- “I’ve been there, too. It’s not easy, but I’m here for you every step of the way.”
Avoid phrases like “Why don’t you just…” or “You should really…” as these can sound condescending, even if your intentions are pure.
Step 2: Offer to Be Their Partner, Not Their Coach
The person you’re trying to help doesn’t need a boss or a fitness guru; they need a buddy. When someone feels like you’re on their team, they’re more likely to open up and take the steps they need.
How You Can Frame It:
- Instead of saying: “You need to exercise more.”
- Say: “Let’s try a fun new workout class together. It could be a great way for both of us to feel healthier.”
This approach removes the pressure and builds camaraderie. You’re not telling them what to do—you’re suggesting an activity you can do together.
Step 3: Focus on Their Strengths
Sometimes, people struggling with weight loss feel like their entire identity is tied up in their challenge. It’s easy to feel defined by the scale. One of the most motivating things you can do is remind them of their strengths and accomplishments.
What You Can Say:
- “You’re one of the most determined people I know. Once you set your mind to something, you always make it happen.”
- “Remember when you crushed that work project? I know you can tackle this with the same energy.”
By linking their weight-loss journey to past successes, you help them build confidence and see themselves as capable of achieving their goals.
Step 4: Frame Weight Loss in a Positive Light
Weight loss can feel like a heavy, negative process—full of deprivation and sacrifice. But it doesn’t have to be framed that way. Instead of focusing on what they’re “losing,” shift the narrative to what they’re gaining: energy, confidence, health, and happiness.
For Example:
- “Imagine how great it’ll feel to have more energy to play with your kids.”
- “I can’t wait to see you crush that hike we’ve been talking about—it’ll feel amazing!”
Positive framing makes the goal feel exciting and attainable rather than daunting.
Step 5: Be Specific with Encouragement
Generic encouragement like “You’ve got this!” is nice, but it doesn’t always feel genuine. Tailor your encouragement to their specific journey, goals, or efforts.
Try Saying:
- “I noticed you’ve been drinking more water and cutting back on soda—that’s awesome progress!”
- “You’ve been so consistent with your morning walks. That’s not easy to do, and I’m so impressed!”
When you acknowledge the little victories, it reinforces their behavior and motivates them to keep going.
Step 6: Use “I” Statements Instead of “You” Statements
“You” statements can sometimes feel like criticism, even when they’re not meant that way. “I” statements, on the other hand, share your feelings and experiences in a way that feels supportive.
For Example:
- Instead of: “You should really try eating healthier snacks.”
- Say: “I’ve been trying to eat healthier snacks lately, and it’s made such a difference in how I feel. I can share some recipes if you’re interested.”
This subtle shift keeps the conversation collaborative and avoids putting them on the defensive.
Step 7: Ask Questions Instead of Giving Answers
Sometimes the best motivation comes from within. By asking thoughtful questions, you can help your loved one discover their own reasons for wanting to lose weight.
Ask Questions Like:
- “What’s the biggest challenge for you when it comes to staying motivated?”
- “What’s one small change you think could make a big difference?”
- “What would success look like for you in this journey?”
When they verbalize their goals and challenges, they’re more likely to take ownership of the process.
Step 8: Share Inspirational Stories
Sometimes, hearing about someone else’s success can spark the motivation to take action. If you know someone who has achieved their weight-loss goals in a healthy, sustainable way, share their story.
How to Phrase It:
- “My coworker started walking 20 minutes a day, and she’s already feeling so much better. It’s inspiring to see what little changes can do over time.”
Be careful not to compare your loved one to others, though. The story should inspire, not create feelings of inadequacy.
Step 9: Help Them Set Small, Achievable Goals
One of the biggest motivation killers is setting goals that feel impossible to reach. Help your loved one break their weight-loss journey into smaller, more manageable milestones.
What You Can Say:
- “Why don’t we start with a goal of walking for 10 minutes after dinner each night? Once we nail that, we can add on.”
- “How about swapping soda for sparkling water this week? It’s a small change, but it adds up.”
By focusing on small wins, you make the journey feel less overwhelming and more attainable.
Step 10: Celebrate Their Victories
Every milestone, no matter how small, deserves recognition. Celebrating their achievements helps reinforce their progress and keeps them motivated.
Ways to Celebrate:
- Send them a text: “Just wanted to say I’m proud of you for sticking with your goal this week!”
- Plan a fun, non-food-related reward: a spa day, a movie night, or a new workout outfit.
Celebrations don’t have to be grand—they just have to show that you notice and care about their efforts.
Things to Avoid Saying
Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can hurt more than they help. Here are a few to steer clear of:
- “You don’t look that bad.” (This minimizes their feelings.)
- “Are you sure you should be eating that?” (This can feel judgmental.)
- “I thought you were trying to lose weight.” (This can feel accusatory.)
Instead, focus on positive, supportive language that encourages without criticizing.
Final Thoughts
Helping someone stay motivated to lose weight is a delicate balance of encouragement, empathy, and positivity. By focusing on their strengths, framing the journey in a positive light, and celebrating their progress, you can be a powerful source of support.
Remember, your role is not to change them but to walk alongside them as they change themselves. With your compassion and encouragement, they’ll be well on their way to achieving their goals—and they’ll thank you for being part of the journey.